Monday, January 26, 2009
a look back
I keep two old journals on my desk to remind me of days gone by. When I leaf through them - they're full of quotes and Scripture and my own musings - I see that while nothing seemed to be happening with my writing, a great deal was happening inside me, in my heart and my head. I thought I'd run the risk of sharing a few excerpts, some of which are embarrassing and even amusing to me now.
August 1, 2007
Much happening. I am 46 - where have the years gone? Up before 6 a.m. Every day I work on Dogwood Winter (The Frontiersman's Daughter). The editing never seems to end.
Almost finished with this final edit, something I prayed would happen before our Montana trip. It seems my self-imposed deadlines are silly as no one is waiting for the manuscript. Though it feels good to get it done. Sort of.
There is not enough time - not enough for all the books I want to read and write. Just many and varied interruptions.
Very discouraged tonight. Depressing to find 30 year old journals in the attic - myself at 15 - writing about my writing dream. And here I am all these years later and am no further than I was then.
My lesson at this point in my life is trust. Rather the lack. This hard, painful thing I'm in - writing, editing, waiting - really boils down to trust. Do I trust Him with my life? Do I trust Him with my writing? Do I trust His timing?
So tired I can't even sit in my chair and write. Too tired to even write. Nothing happening with my writing. My computer is 8 years old and slow and ready to crash. My prayer needs to be - what pleases Thee, pleases me.
So much happening (except writing). Maybe all this scribbling is for my pleasure and enjoyment only. There are a million authors in the world who write far better than I do and who don't seem to have to work as hard at it as I do. Am not going to mention my writing after this. Dead ends. I seem to lack the talent to publish. Missing Kentucky and home.
Looking back, I think my vow to not mention my writing again lasted a whole five minutes. Writers are a little bit like boxers. They get hit and they get up - again and again. This might not seem like much of a trial in the grand scheme of things but it truly tried me in more ways than I can mention.
Why does God allow trials in our lives? I think one of the reasons is so we can help others.
He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us.
2 Corinthians 1:4 The Message Bible
Hope this encourages you in some way today.